Archives for category: Humour

Can you imagine what moon cheese would taste like?
Assume for a moment that the moon was made of cheese, what would that cheese be like? It would certainly give people an incentive to go back to the moon. Perhaps moon cheese would taste different depending on where it was mined from: ‘That’s a fine specimen of tranquility blue’ people could say at a blind moon cheese tasting competition.
Its rarity would make it a very expensive delecacy ‘With this moon cheese you are really spoiling us ambassador’ and would be in the same league as caviar.
Just imagine the swankiest restraunts in town selling moon cheese toasties at an enorously inflated price.

It would be great if the moon was made of cheese, but perhaps we just need to dig a bit below the surface.

I woke the morning with my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground. Yes, like most people I enjoy a good stretch before I get up.

As I was brushing my teeth the idea for the character ‘Bob the seedy macgician’ came to me in the form of this sketch: (btw if this makes little sense it’s the first time I’ve tried to write something like this)

Scene: Bob is chatting to a woman, trying to chat her up. Location: Largely unimportant, lets say the middle of an empty field for the possible comic value
Bob: So do you come here often?
Woman: All the time, I love it here.
Bob: I’m a magician you know
Woman: Really?
Bob: Yes
Woman: Wow tell me you secrets
Bob: Well a real magician can’t, but the main secret is misdirection. For example take a look over there points over her shoulder, a direction that would involve her turning so Bob will be completely out of her sight
Woman (still looking at Bob): Well thats not very clever why would I fall for that?
Bob: Just indulge me, you wanted to see how its done after all
Woman (looking unimpressed): Oh Ok Read the rest of this entry »

My nose drips, my throat is sore, I sneeze for an occupation and my eyes are ichy. I think I’m dying!
This was my reaction (being a standard guy) last week when I caught ‘a bit of a cold’. In my defence it wasn’t just a bit of a cold, it was a full blown cold, with slightly above average temperature and everything!
As is so often the case, the major sympoms of this hit at the weekend. I had an inkling to my possible predicament on thursday, and being fairly organised for once, I put some Lemsip in with my pack-lunch for work on friday. This was a lifesaver.
However I was slightly put off by the claims on the box for Lemsip, they went something along these lines:

Headaches [tick]
Aches and Pains [tick]
Runny nose [tick]

Now seeing the funny side of most things I noted that this could easily be mis-read to be claiming to give you these symptoms.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have looked at these in this light, because, sure enough after leaving work and getting to the train for my trip down to my parents I had; a headache (fairly normal with a cold), a runny nose (a staple of a cold), and an aching lower back. Now this was the worry bubble for me, you see I’ve never, in all my 24 years of life on this planet, experienced aches and pains as being a symptom of a cold. And to top it all off I had a sore throat too!
This was something that led me to believe that perhaps the criminal masterminds at lemsip had made their ‘Cold and flu’ hot drink powder give you all these problems. Exactly as it claims on the packet. PLUS of course the sore throat, thus tempting you to ‘upgrade’ to the new and more expensive product in their line.
Very suspicious indeed!
So be careful out there gentle reader, somethings could well be EXACTLY as they appear!

Also in my humble opinion its much better to ‘stop and flop’ when stricken with a cold than trying to drug yourself up and power through.

*It is very probable that this is all rubbish ramblings by Rob and Lemsip is not run by criminal masterminds [I have to put this is because I never got round to writing a disclaimer about humour and opinion]

According to this job predictor website, my idea job is a Chef, I’m sure some of you are going to have much more amusing ideal jobs.
Try it out and leave a comment 🙂

Aug 23 – Sep 22
A voyage into the unknown awaits you, as the feds discover the physical location of your MP3 server and you have to escape into the nearby mountains.

From BBSpot

And someone came to my site on a search for countup+php+months, I’m thinking maybe I should get my ass in gear, write a little readme type thing and get my script out there… it seems to be working fine for me!

I found this list of silly units extremely amusing, mainly because of this one:

The speed of light is 1.80 tera furlongs per fortnight

Well here’s a little story for you. I was walking home from the train station yesterday and went past the ‘local’ indian takeaway. This is the favorite for our house although I’ve only ordered from it once as we don’t have a menu and so I don’t know what they have (ordered a chicken tikka, can’t go wrong ;)).
Well as I was walking past I noticed that there was a plastic container full of menus on the window sill, even though the place was shut. Fantastic I thought and picked one up… then the audacity of the situation struck me, this was a menu for a different indian takeaway !
I was astonished at the cheek of the act, although also quite amused. I may have even chuckled to myself in the middle of the street, while walking home.

Just got my broadband working activated and connected… and you know what?
In the time it took my ‘legal’ broadband to get activated, someone else has moved in with an unsecured router… damn if only I’d been more patient !!

Nevermind, at least I can use P2P file sharing programs now 😉

Randomly surfing other peoples blogs (as you do) I came across an amusing tale, I have no idea if its true or not, I don’t care its pretty damn funny either way 🙂